Update in Patti's World

Here it is Tuesday night and I thought I would give you guys an update on my comings and goings. Nothing huge, but I felt like I should let you know what's happening. It's a rainy night in Georgia and it makes me kind of chill out. I have American Idol on in the background and I'm waiting on the tv show The Mentalist.

This month has flown. I was on a business trip the first week of the month in Texas and then my family emergencies. Then I got sick and now here it is the last day of March. Work has been hectic and so many have been out with various illnesses.

Avery got some exciting news the other night. Her grandparents (daddy's parents) said they would like to take her to Hawaii the first week of September. Well, needless to say, she is thrilled. I would imagine we will be discussing what she will see there, what she will wear there, and every aspect of the trip. I'm so happy for her. I think it will be a great opportunity for her.

I listened to StevieWren's suggestion and I have started the Twilight series. It's great so far. It's easy reading and draws you right in. Stephenie Meyer is a neat writer. She gives lots of details, but it doesn't get bogged down. Fast, fun, reading. Thanks Stevie.

I commented on someone's blog last night and it got me thinking about some of my oldest friends. I miss them. Wouldn't it be fun to just be able to hop on a plane or in the car and go visit? We could catch up and talk about those fun old days. We'd talk about how skinny we were and how we worried so much about what we would be doing on the weekend. I should have been studying and listening more, but NOOOO I was writing notes and doodling. Well, not all the time, but I should have been working my butt off. It wasn't until college, as an adult, that I got serious and worked hard. Silly Patti.

The Lord has watched over me and still continues to help me with disappointments and heartaches. He's always the same and I am so thankful for that.

Sleepover Extravaganza

Hannah, Taylor and Avery were getting ready for the sleepover/birthday party and I snapped a little picture of them. They went to Build-A-Bear and ran through the drive-thru at McDonald's. Then for the pizza lovers Avery's daddy went for some cheese pizzas. Everyone met back at Avery's for the party. We ate, she opened presents and they built a tent. They watched a movie, Space Buddies. Papa and I headed home and Jolie said the gang finally went to sleep around 2am.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AVERY!!!!

Nine years ago tonight an absolutely wonderful angel came into my life. Avery was the sweetest little baby and here we are nine years later and she's a sweet young lady. She makes me laugh and surprises me on a regular basis with her deep questions.

I'm so proud of her and her mommy for bringing up such a well behaved girl. We'll have her party Friday night and I can't wait to give her a big Nana hug!!!

I have been thinking a lot lately about what I need to do with myself. That may sound strange, but maybe it is. I am wondering and praying about what I need to do in addition to what I'm doing now. Perhaps the last couple of weeks has smacked me right in the face reminding me that I feel I'm not doing enough and life is short. Although everyday I stare death in the face, it's not the face of someone that has been so close to me.

I pray you are doing well.

I know I should be content and I am in most ways. I just wonder if He has something more He wants me to be doing. Thanks for listening.

It's Not Always As It Seems

My new banner was supposed to be a big full cluster of flowers. As I got closer I realized that they were far apart and the dirt makes up about half of the picture when you really analyze it. Then I started thinking about life. Sometimes we think a situation is all beauty and goodness. The deeper we get into it we realize the ugly (dirt) has to be among the beauty (flowers) to help it grow.

My mother used to tell me that we must take the bad with the good. I didn't like hearing it, but now as I've aged I understand what she meant. We seem to appreciate the good more when we have had to go through the dirty parts of life.

ALI UPDATE: Ali will get another ultrasound tomorrow. The antibiotics have helped. The doctor said it sounds like it may be a good sign since her pain has subsided. Thank you for your prayers. I will keep you updated.

It's back to work and back to the regular stuff. My daughter also went back to work, and she is doing better. I so appreciate all the prayers. I have had such a flood of memories in the past week and a half. The memories go back to 1965. We had dances every Friday and Saturday night. They were at the National Guard Armory and the American Legion. My girlfriends and I were skinny and tan and our biggest worry was if we had enough money to go to the next dance. We'd stand next to the speakers and it's a miracle I can hear anything at all. Beatles, Beach Boys, Rolling Stones.

I dreamed I was at the American Legion dancing to "When A Man Loves A Woman" by Percy Sledge the other night. This last week and a half has been surreal. It has been lessons on many levels. I will always carry a part of Paul with me. Life is short. Let's make the most of it while we can.

Gone to be with the Lord

Paul passed away peacefully Thursday morning at 7:55. His viewing was last night and Jolie, her husband Trent, Mark and I went to Atlanta. Avery spent the night with her classmate but will go with us today for the funeral.

My heart breaks for Jolie. She knows her daddy is in a much better place, but wishes she had more time to tell him she loved him. I believe Avery will be proud of her grandpa today when people say nice things at his funeral.

I appreciate all the many prayers that have gone up for our family. Although you have never met us we thank you for your concern. We believe that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord for Paul. He loved and had received our Savior.

"This world is not our home, we're just passing through......."

Update on Paul

I want to take this opportunity to thank my friends out there in blog land that have prayed for Paul and our family. I wish I were able to tell you that it is better, but unfortunately he is still lingering in a vegetative state. It has broken my heart and I had a mini meltdown today and said my goodbyes. I have been staying there at night and day and I am exhausted. He is not in pain and the agony of watching his every breathe has taken a toll.

His wife and I had some differences today and I told her I resented her leaving Jolie and Avery out of preparations. Long story short, I am not going to continue helping with him and knowing she is thinking of me as hired help. I did it because I felt I should and I have no regrets. Jolie and I will attend the funeral if we are informed in time.

I am who I am in part because I was married to him for 22 years. I didn't realize this would hit me so hard and I feel there could be much closure for Jolie if things would be handled right. I don't expect it at this time, but the Lord is in control and I am turning this over to Him.

My boss has been extremely kind and told me to take off the rest of the week. I am staying in Atlanta tonight and will head back to be with Jolie, Avery and Mark the rest of the week. I am blessed to have a husband that understands what I felt I must do. He (Mark) realizes that Paul was a huge part of my life and has been totally supportive.

In the midst of all this pain I am trying to find some pearls. Jolie has said she is really wanting to go back to attend church and get closer to the Lord. It has helped me resolve many issues. I have a definite peace that Paul is with the Lord. I just pray we will get to attend the funeral and Jolie will get to hear people say sweet things about her daddy. He attended church by himself and helped with teaching the men's Sunday School class.

We have had training and we will be gracious. Please help me pray it won't last much longer and that my daughter will realize when all is said and done that her daddy loved her and she can treasure some precious memories.

Please Make the Most of Everyday

First of all, I want to take this opportunity to thank my friend, Sharon over at Technonana. I came up for air yesterday and gave her a call. I knew she would get people praying and I so appreciate her writing such a sweet post on our behalf. I will begin at the beginning.

Last week I had to go to San Antonio on Wednesday for a meeting for my job. We had a speaker Wednesday night and after the meeting I went up to my room and tried to relax. I am not a fan of flying and I just wanted to prepare for the next two days. I received a call at 5am and didn't think a whole lot about it because for over 20 years I have been called at all hours of the night with my job. This was my daughter, Jolie, on the other end of the line crying hysterically. She said her daddy had a major heart attack and was in intensive care. They were getting up and getting ready to head to Atlanta where he lives. She didn't have many details as his wife was so upset and just said he was exercising and came in and said he had started having chest pains and needed to go to the ER and then collapsed. She called 911 and then the ambulance couldn't find their house. They live out in the country and off the beaten path. During all this time he was down and not breathing.

The EMTs intubated him and got him to the small hospital closest to them. He suffered another cardiac arrest there and the staff decided to send him to a larger hospital in Atlanta. Trent took Avery to school and Jolie got her shower and started getting ready for the trip. Jolie and her Daddy haven't been close since she was little. They love each other, but she's stubborn and he's stubborn and you can read between the lines. When she got there the doctor told them that they would put him on a cooling blanket to rest his brain and then take him off to warm him up and see if he would wake up. I knew I was coming home Friday so I said if they are not doing anything until a day or two I'll come home as scheduled. I tried to get an earlier flight, but it's spring break out there and all the flights were overbooked. I had left the meeting early on Friday and so I had to wait in the airport for 4 hours. I read and reflected.

I never knew how I would react to a situation like this. Paul is my ex-husband. We dated for two years. We were married for 22 years and I really grew up with him. So many thoughts and memories have flooded my mind in the last few days. He taught me how to drive. He took me to my junior and senior proms. I followed him around the world when he was in the Army. We went to so many car shows and motorcycle shows that it would make you dizzy. After his father died suddenly he went into a depression that lasted for several years. I felt like I was being pulled into a pit and my own mental health was suffering. It's not an excuse and as a Christian I should have tried to accept it and live my life. I had prayed. We had gone to counseling together and separately and I couldn't continue.

He met his current wife about 7 years later and they were married. He's been happy with her and they moved up here to Atlanta several years ago. I got to the hospital Friday night and Jolie had waited for me. We went into his room together and I couldn't believe it was him. He has a volume overload and is so swollen it's unbelievable. They have been doing multiple tests to check on his brain activity. He had a balloon and stint put in his heart. He has never woken up. This morning I got a call from his best friend and he said the doctor came in and said the EEG showed that he had brain swelling and they would be making decisions. Jolie, Trent and I drove up to Atlanta in two cars and Mark took Avery to church and her little cheer leading awards banquet.

The doctor did some tests while we were there and I knew he was checking for brain activity. He told us that if he took the ventilator off he would not breathe. He asked his wife if he had a living will and she said she didn't know she would have to look. Then the doctor said, "Well, we can wait another 24 hours and then make some decisions." His wife got all excited and said that would be wonderful. I could tell Jolie was hurt with the decision, but she kept quiet. She said she wanted to step out and I went with her. She told me she could not stand to see her daddy look like that any longer. She was seeing him day after day deteriorate and she believes, as I do, that he is no longer with us. Because his wife is the decision maker she didn't say anything, but told me she would not come back until the funeral.

I went to tell his wife and she seems to be in denial and is still holding out hope. I know that God still does miracles, but he would be in a vegetative state now and his body is shutting down. I hurt so bad for Jolie and for his wife. I hurt too. I love him, but I am not in love with him. He would not want to lay there like that and I pray that tomorrow, Monday, the doctor will go ahead and say enough is enough.

His Sunday school teacher was in the waiting room and I got to meet and talk with him. He was telling me that in SS this morning they were discussing Paul and one of the other men has an incurable disease in the class. He doesn't know when he'll go and everyday he wonders when. Paul was always healthy and they were saying how ironic it was that now Paul is lying in intensive care and this other gentleman is still with us.

We don't know when we will have our last day. Please know you are right with the Lord. I don't mean to sound preachy, but I want you to stop and think that this day will come for all of us. No exceptions. I thank you for all your prayers and support. I will find out more about Ali tomorrow and let you guys know what's going on.

Mark is being very supportive and someone he works with asked him why I was so upset about my first husband. He told him that we were married a long time and had a daughter. The guy still acted like it was strange. We don't care what people think concerning that. We have not had a hateful relationship and I wanted the best for him. He was there for me when my mother died and my world fell apart. We helped each other through many things. I feel sorry for his wife, but I especially feel sorry for Jolie. He told her on their last visit in January that he was proud of her. He has never told her that before and she turned 37 two weeks ago. She needed to hear that and I'm so glad he told her. Life is complicated, but God has a way of taking care of our needs. He's our Redeemer!